I am not having the best morning, week or month, for that matter. There are so many things bothering me, that it would be impossible to single out one thing causing this funk. In the moment, it seems like all kinds of little annoyances are the culprit. But that’s not what all of this is really about. It’s not really about being up, yet again, at the crack of dawn with a toddler, who doesn’t get what the crack of dawn even means, or why there is anything wrong with being up that early. It’s not really about the latest mess I have to clean up, even though it’s the 186th one I’ve cleaned up this week. No, it’s about so much more than that.
You see, I’m trying to do it all, and I’m struggling. I took an assignment working from home three days a week, so that I could bring in some extra money, while continuing to be a full-time, stay-at-home mom. It seemed like the best of both worlds, and in many ways, it is. Especially, since I can spread out the work over a whole week. I feel incredibly lucky to be able to have this opportunity, but I also feel like I’m tilling at windmills most of the time. If you’ve never heard that expression, it’s one of many unique Texas-isms that have been passed down in my family. It’s also another was of saying, I think my balancing act could use some work.
From the outside, I’m getting it all done…even if it’s by the skin of my teeth. I guess that’s all that matters, but for a perfectionist like me, it feels like I’m failing miserably. If I can’t do it all gracefully, with a smile on my face, and a spring in my step, then it doesn’t count for much. Crazy, right? I also think that bearing the weight of it all, in combination with not feeling appreciated or validated, makes my frustration that much greater. Thank goodness for this blog. It truly is my sounding board. Sometimes, I forget how cathartic this process is for me, because in the midst of all the chaos, I have let it go by the wayside. I apologize for that. I deserve better, and so do you. All I can say is, I’m doing the best I can, just like every mom I know.
If nothing else, maybe this post will serve as a reminder that we don’t have to be perfect all the time. We all have days where we feel like we’re swimming upstream. It’s totally normal. What is important, is remembering to reconnect with ourselves. It find it really helps to keep things in perspective. Even if we feel we have nothing left to give to ourselves at the end of the day. Even if it’s something as simple as taking a bath after the kids are in bed, or calling a friend to catch up. Do it for you. Do it for your peace of mind. Just do it.